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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330599">lovely (zen x samaul)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxlouie/pseuds/paradoxlouie'>paradoxlouie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>shrek [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shrek (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gay, How Do I Tag, Love Confessions, M/M, One Direction References, Short, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life, Side Story, Small Towns, What Was I Thinking?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:13:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,227</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxlouie/pseuds/paradoxlouie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>zen hated samaul for the dumbest reasons, and he knew that. all because of his name. when he finally had to get to know him so his friends shrek and barry can sit together in science and zen was forced to sit next to sam... well that's when things got a bit complicated.</p>
<p>part two of the shrek x bad boy theme</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Benson/Shrek (Shrek), hot - Relationship, zen/samaul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>shrek [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985341</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>lovely (zen x samaul)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was something i wrote a while ago, some things don't make sense but eh.</p>
<p>also this is taken from my watty, written there first, (-HALOSWHORE) so some things may make completely no sense.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"do you think i could sit here with shrek?" barry b benson asks me as he sits down next to me in first period science. i think about this question. no one needs a partner besides his old partner, and i could never work with him. </p>
<p>samaul is his name. and i hate it. but, it will make shrek happy. a happy shrek is a good shrek. so i agree. "sure! why not?" i didn't mean to sound so eager but the thought of not having shrek want to kill you is always good.</p>
<p>"so you will have to work with-"</p>
<p>"samaul. i know." barry looks a bit confused at my anger but i get confused at it too. it's all in his name is where my anger is. where his parents high when they named him?! i think whenever i think of him, which is a lot. i mean- haha...</p>
<p>i get it, my name is zen which is just as odd but at least you can pronounce that easily. his is pronounced like (sam-aul-ule) which i don't even understand. </p>
<p>when i get out of my thought rant barry looks a bit concerned because i have some sort of angry face on. i just give a fake smile and out of the corner of my eye i see a green figure. shrek.</p>
<p>i turn fully to him to see his face. he looks taken back by the fact the 2 of us are sitting next to each other considering i have literally never said one word to him before. </p>
<p>shrek scurries over to us and i explain why barry is here, "barry was wondering if he could be your partner during this unit."  the teacher doesn't even care when we switch seats as long as we actually do our work. </p>
<p>shrek looks even more taken back but before he can say no i stand up and grab all my stuff that is spread out on the wide 2-person desk. "say how good his outfit looks today" i whisper is shreks ear before i get over to samaul side. shit.</p>
<p>he looks like a loner all the time. like all the time. i kind of feel bad for the guy. he wears a type of wide brimmed hat everywhere and it makes him look like a sort of knock of harry styles. he even has the dark brown wavy hair. but, he has shimmering blue eyes. </p>
<p>i may hate him but wow... those eyes. samaul is still looking down at the notebook that is on his own 2-person science desk. "hi" i say quite loudly so he would hear.</p>
<p>"hello" he says while still looking down. that gives me the hint to sit down next to him.</p>
<p>"i'm zen.." i tell him after i get all my stuff for this class situated.</p>
<p>"i know."</p>
<p>"how would you-"</p>
<p>"i've seen you around. your always with that orge kid."</p>
<p>"y-yeah." why am i getting so nervous around him?</p>
<p>"well i'm samaul."</p>
<p>"oh i know that" </p>
<p>"but you can just call me sam. it's better."</p>
<p>"oh." does he not like his name either? he looks up from his notebook he was drawling in to show a neatly drawn woman. "who's that?"</p>
<p>"what?" he asks finally making eye contact with me and his shining blue eyes catch me off guard.</p>
<p>"t-the woman in your drawling."</p>
<p>"my mom. well at least that's what i think she would look like" </p>
<p>"what?" what's he mean 'would look like'</p>
<p>"n-nothing. well nice to meet you zen." he reaches out a hand for me to shake.</p>
<p>"y-you too sam" im still confused at what he means by would look like. is she dead? did she leave? not really something you ask someone you just met so i just try and shake it off. </p>
<p>i reach my hand out to meet his. his hands feel hard? not soft but i'm not sure how to explain it. they feel good though. i look down to see our hands meeting.</p>
<p>before we pull away from the shake he holds on a bit longer and then lets go.</p>
<p>i feel confused but i look up and meet his eyes again. he gives a quick smirk before going back to drawing.</p>
<p>i feel my insides get all twisted but before i can do anything else the teacher walks in. class starts.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>i have never realized how many classes sam has with me. him and his piercing blue eyes, silly brimmed hat, and weird full name. i realize i dont even know his last name. or really anything about him. but, i want to. i want to know more about him then his weird name and silly brimmed hat. </p>
<p>he sees... interesting. like bad boy harry in locker 17, but not a bad boy. i figure at lunch i might as well go up to him. i never thought of even where he sits. i mean, ive seen him a couple of times in the lunch room, but never ya know SEEN him. </p>
<p>shrek keeps talking about some shit with barry but i dont like really care..i dont know what to say back so i just talk about sams name. 'samaul' maybe it has a meaning? like a great-grandpa's name? or maybe means something in a different language? i go on how its confusing but shrek looks like im making fun of sam. i would never do that to him. known him for one class period and i care about the weird guy. his name is just... different. i mean mine is too, maybe we can bond over that?</p>
<p>before i know it lunch time comes, and its time to speak to sam again. i rush to my locker and grab the lunch i packed for myself the night before and the books for my next classes and slip away into the lunch room. ]</p>
<p>i look around for a minute but find no sign of the brimmed hat boy. i lose hope after another 2 minutes of walking around and i decide on going to the bathroom. i set my things down at shreks table and walk away. "where are you going?" he asks in between bites of his sandwich. </p>
<p>"bathroom. ill be back though." i say as im already halfway to the doors that lead right to the bathroom doors. once i swing them open i see a familiar blue eyed boy sitting on the ground next to the boys bathroom door. sam.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>i just stand there in shock for a few seconds. why is he out here? why not in the lunch room? is he scared of lunch rooms like kurtis is scared of uber's?</p>
<p>"are you going to do what you where going to do or just stand there?" sam asks as he lifts his head up. he doesn't look upset so i guess nothing happened.</p>
<p>"w-why are you sitting out here?" i ask him. i notice that he worked more on his drawing of his unknown mother but it looks odd. she has blonde hair.</p>
<p>"it's too loud in there. can't concentrate." he replied simply.</p>
<p>"on your drawing? i don't think you concentrated enough because she had blonde hair. and um.... you don't." it comes out a bit rude but not what i meant at all. i want to get to know him so i want to know why his drawling looks like that. i walk over to him and lean against the wall that he is sitting cross legged next to.</p>
<p>"like i said... i don't know what she looks like. my sister described her as this a while ago. she's not the most relying source though."</p>
<p>"oh... well do you mind if i...?" i ask motioning to the ground.</p>
<p>"i don't mind. it's good to have some company anyways. especially if it's you."</p>
<p>i feel myself hardcore blush at that. why? i've never felt this way about guys. why now? i mean sam might be the most beautiful man i've ever seen but come on.</p>
<p>sam seems to notice this and points it out. "oh come off it, lovely. anyone with a brain would enjoy your company. i'm not special." he says it like it's a well known fact. and lovely? where did that come from.</p>
<p>"this better?" sam asks after a minute and shows me is fixed paper. the slim woman on there now has dark brown hair that is down to about her shoulders and are spread across them freely.</p>
<p>"looks much more like you now. but add blue eyes. to match yours. i like your eyes." i reply. i don't realize what i say until after it is already out of my mouth. i slap my mouth shut before i say anything else and sam just laughs.</p>
<p>a nice laugh to go with a nice face. he's very attractive. oop- i mean uh. yeah okay. i think he's attractive. i mean LOOK at him. i could stare into those eyes all day.</p>
<p>"do you want to um... come to my house after school?" i ask out of no where. the fuck? </p>
<p>"why?" i feel my heart drop as he asks that.</p>
<p>"no reason- uh never mind." i start to find myself standing up from where i was sitting. "uh just a joke. yeah i silly joke. sorry um ill be-"</p>
<p>"zen..." he says before i can get to the door. "i wasn't going to say no i just wanted to know why.</p>
<p>i don't know a fucking reason why. it just came out! i want to yell but i can't. "we're partners. we need to... um study! and maybe i can help you with your drawling. i mean- im no where close to as good as you but i do have some skills up my sleeve."</p>
<p>"yeah, why not. sounds fun. we have last period together then you can just come and take me to your house. maybe i can meet your family. it does seem a bit soon though doesn't it." i can see a smirk appear on his lips.</p>
<p>"haha very funny." i say before he starts laughing.</p>
<p>"come back and sit next to me. i need a good person here. and your the best of the best." not sure how he would know that considering i have only talked to him for a science period and some of lunch but i'm not complaining. </p>
<p>i take a few large steps back over to him and set myself down next to him again. "your very short..." he comments. i'm 5'3 the fuck how is that short.</p>
<p>i let out a puff to show im upset and he just laughs. "come off it, zen. being short is good."</p>
<p>"really?" i ask doubtfully. </p>
<p>"makes a good bottom."  i hardcore blush for the second time and he just laughs again before he starts to sketch out a dress for the woman.</p>
<p>so he's a flirt i see...</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>the rest of the day before last period consisted of shrek talking about barry, me staring at sam, and sam drawing.when we finally reach 9th period it feels like an eternity later.</p>
<p>i walk away from shrek as he leaves the room in a rush and i meet sam at the back of the class. "nice seeing you again." he states as he grabs his things that are splayed across the desk. </p>
<p>"you too." i say back trying not to make a fool of myself like i already have, many times.</p>
<p>"well how do you get to your house?" he asks me after he grabs all his stuff.</p>
<p>"walking."</p>
<p>"so your close? to the school i mean."</p>
<p>"fairly close. about 10 minutes away."</p>
<p>"not bad. well we better get going shouldn't we." i follow him out of the room and we stop at his locker first. after he gets his stuff, we get to my locker, i get MY stuff, and then we leave out the front doors.</p>
<p>most of the buses have already left with the kids in them so we dont have to worry about being hit by one of the many dumb bus drivers. the walk there is pretty nice alone but its even better when people go with you. ESPECIALLY if those people are sam.</p>
<p>as me and him walked down the sidewalk on the side of the road we tell each other little things about ourselves. i learned his sisters name is jackie and that she is now 24. he didnt want to talk about his mum but i dont want to pressure him to have to tell me yet. i can know on his own time and when he is ready. </p>
<p>usually after school i bring shrek over to my house and we just do random shit like play video games or talk about school. but, i dont know what i can do with sam. asking him to come over just kinda slipped out. i only know that he likes to draw. literally, what else does he do.</p>
<p>"what do you do for fun?" i ask him as i struggle to keep up with that giant.</p>
<p>"what do you mean?" he re realizes after a bit im struggling and he slows down his strides.</p>
<p>"well, i mean- when we get to my house me and shrek mostly play video games and shit like that. what do you like to do?"</p>
<p>"hmmm.... well i do like movies. do you have a tv in your room?"</p>
<p>"yeah, but it only plays the DVDs we have in our basement."</p>
<p>"well are the DVDs in ur basement good?"</p>
<p>"thats what my mum and sister would say."</p>
<p>"well then i hope they have good taste." he is now in sync with my walking and we go back to talking about small things again after a few more minutes we arrive at the front of my house. its a one story brick house that was made like a billion years ago. the others around it are all around the same style but the things like the doors and the shutters are all different colors from house to house. we got the one with a whole lotta purple. which is good for my little sister but not so good for me. </p>
<p>"here it is" i say to sam.</p>
<p>"very nice. much better then my apartment. say," he turns to me, "i know we just met today but do you think i could come here often. my sister has had enough of my shit and i feel bad."</p>
<p>"sure- yeah, yeah of course. it will feel good to have someone other then my sister and mum to talk to. well, lets go in and you can meet them."</p>
<p>i try and walk off so he can follow my lead but with him being a literal giant he over takes me and is now in front of me. before i can even the middle of the walk way he is already at the door trying to open it. but of course, its locked.</p>
<p>"keys." he states simply (ha ha simp) i sigh and pull my house keys out my backpack and hand them to him. "thanks lovely." the word 'lovely' makes me feel all flustered again. </p>
<p>after a few seconds he open the door and lets it swing open. "after you, fine sir." he does a little bit of a bow before letting me into the house first.</p>
<p>"why thank you, fine man." i play along with his silly little tries at flirting. </p>
<p>i look around for a quick second and spot my sister in the dining room, finger painting all over a white piece of paper. and i see my mom in the living room watching tv. time to introduce sam :)</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>sam steps into the house a few seconds after me and looks around. "that's your sister?" she asks point to the lady on the couch.</p>
<p>"that's my mom..." i say back.</p>
<p>"oh.."</p>
<p>"that's my sister, gia" i point to the little girl. as i say her name she turns to face me.</p>
<p>"what do you want. i'm trying to paint." she somehow got paint all over her face and black hair, making her look sort of like a circus clown. "and who's that?"</p>
<p>"this is my- my friend sam." i reply as i go into the kitchen to get paper towels to help clean her off.</p>
<p>"you're pretty." she says to him and point a paint covered hand to him.</p>
<p>"you are too, gia" he says back to her. the paint starts to drip down her hand and lands in a big blue glob on the ground.</p>
<p>"g, isn't it called finger painting not 'whole hand painting'. i think you're doing it wrong-" i start to tell her as a grab a handful of paper towels to clean her up.</p>
<p>"mom zen said i'm doing the painting wrong!!" she yells to the living room.</p>
<p>"zen let your sister paint how she wants to" my mum replies. i just roll my eyes and clean up the floor and her face a bit. </p>
<p>"ow zen that hurt" she pushes my hand away from her face. </p>
<p>"shut it, gia. maybe if you didn't decide to paint yourself more then the paper then this wouldn't have happened." i say in a strict tone to her. i just hear sam giggling in the background.</p>
<p>"mooooom. zen told me to shut up." gia yells again to the living room.</p>
<p>"zen don't tell your sister to shut up."</p>
<p>"i- ugh fine." i manage to clean up at least a bit of paint that was on her.</p>
<p>"where are you guys going? can i come?" gia asks before i can even leave the area.</p>
<p>"we are gonna go watch some things up in my room. just stay down here and paint or something."</p>
<p>"ugh fine. your mean zen."</p>
<p>"how a i- fine. in a bit we will come down and... paint with you. how does that sound?"</p>
<p>"good!! can your friend sam sit next to me though." i just shrug and turn to sam.</p>
<p>"sure, yeah. but i better be able to sit across from zen so i can admire him and all his beauty." sam tell her. he turns over to me and gives a little smirk and i feel myself get all blush's once again.</p>
<p>"zen isn't beautiful." gia laughs. "you haven't seen him when he wakes up. he's scary." </p>
<p>"that's where your wrong, missy. zen is beautiful. just look at him!" sam walks over to me and whispers in my ear. "i hope to see you when you wake up, love." my heart flutters and i almost melt right there. "we are going to go watch some things now, gia. enjoy painting." sam tells her before we walk out of sight.</p>
<p>i clear my throat and then start to speak to my mum. "where in the basement are all the DVDs?" i ask her.</p>
<p>"in the far back. and who is this young man?" she pauses the TV and turns to me and sam.</p>
<p>"i'm sam. nice to meet you, zens mum." sam says to her.</p>
<p>"nice to meet you too, sam. are you one of zens new friends?"</p>
<p>"i like to think we are more." my eyes widen at that comment and i look up to meet sams eyes and he just laughs a bit.</p>
<p>"oh i see.. well you two enjoy what you guys are going to watch. but don't have too much fun."</p>
<p>"mom!" i warn her and she just laughs at my embarrassment and goes back to watching her reality TV show.</p>
<p>"come off it, zen. she's funny. you must have gotten it from her." sam says quietly as we walk down the steep steps to the basement.</p>
<p>it's kinda creepy down there so i mostly avoid here at all times. i try and turn on the overhead light but the lightbulb is dead. great.</p>
<p>"do you have a phone?" i ask sam.</p>
<p>"yeah.. why?" </p>
<p>"can i use the flashlight on it? i left mine in my bag."</p>
<p>"oh- yeah sure." he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a iphone 4. major oof. it works, though. i flash the light on and my creepy ass basement get illuminated with the single light. </p>
<p>i walk down the last steps and lay my covered feet onto the cold ground. even with socks on i can feel the how freezing it is. i take a few steps forward and look back to tell sam to come on, but he's gone. tf?</p>
<p>i feel worry flowing through me and then i hear something fall from across the room. i wimpier. tf this isn't a horror story. this is a romance come on none of this. i flash the light over to where the thing fell and i see something dashing by.</p>
<p>i take a step back but then the figure emerges. and- oh it's sam. and he's laughing? "what the hell sam!? you the shit outa me."</p>
<p>"sorry, lovely. but i found a lightbulb." he pulls it out from behind him to show he did in fact have one. he takes his giant steps over to the light and he doesn't even have to have a ladder to get the old lightbulb.</p>
<p>it takes a minute or so but as he twists the new one in the basement gets fully lit up.</p>
<p>"thanks sam." i'm still scared for my life after what just happens but i don't want for him to think of me as a baby so i our on a strong face.</p>
<p>"are these the movies?" sam asks breaking my thoughts.</p>
<p>"y-yeah. but there's more then movies there."</p>
<p>"well then let's what we want to watch."</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>we end up choosing to watching the 'this is us' (the one direction movie). my mum and gia are obsessed with those boys. i get it, they are all amazing singers and hot as hell and- yeah okay i like them too. and, it was shown to me that sam liked them too. after we grabbed it from the big pile with all our movies and TV shows on DVD we left my creepy ass basement. </p>
<p>"what you boys decide on watching?" my mom asks us once we get the stairs. her show is on break so she started to make us dinner. </p>
<p>"the one direction movie." sam says for me.</p>
<p>"oOOOOoooooOOOo. thats a good one. me and watch it almost every friday. and- oh look its friday. so dont keep the disk for too long."</p>
<p>"will do mom." i say to her. "lets go sam." i grab his arm but my mom says something before we can leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"sam, honey. will you be staying the night? or at least dinner?" she asks. i look into the dining room and see gia now coloring a not very detailed boy, im guessing its of her boyfriend zayn. (no not zayn malik.)</p>
<p>"<br/>if its alright with zen, sure." sam turns to me and gives a little smile.</p>
<p>"sure, yeah, why not."</p>
<p>"im not used to people other then shrek sleeping over. so i guess i can explain what will go down tomorrow. so, i work nights so you boys will have to make sure gia is in bed by 9:30. I leave at 8. ill be back at around 7am. ill need to sleep, of course. but, zen can make gia something and then, if you boys dont mind, can you take gia to the park so she can meet up with zayn."</p>
<p>"no problem, zen's mum. where do you work by the way?"</p>
<p>"wellington hospital. apparently there was a male pregnancy today and i missed it. good thing we have doctor hen, though. he knows all the crazy things."</p>
<p>"oh cool my sister works around there, in a cafe."</p>
<p>"ogerly good cafe?"</p>
<p>"thats the one."</p>
<p>"oh i love it there! whats she do there?"</p>
<p>"shes a barista. her name is jakie."</p>
<p>"oh wow! she is so kind to everyone there. she always severs me. what a small world."</p>
<p>"it sure is" sam turns to me, "ready to watch the movie, love?"</p>
<p>i just nod my head and i show him to my room. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>we close the blinds, shut off the lights, and turn on my TV. i grab the movie out of the hard case and put it into the DVD player. the screen turns a bright blue, illuminating the dark room. </p>
<p>sam was just standing at the door and i lead him to my bed(no not in the sexual way dumbass)in the corner of the room.</p>
<p>my room looks like the most basic 16-17 year olds room ever. they grey walls, some posters hanging around, and like 10 water bottles thrown on the ground. sam doesn't seem to notice any of that, cause he points out something i wish he haven't noticed.</p>
<p>"nice princess sheets." he says to me as he pulls back the top blanket.</p>
<p>"they're my sisters" i say through my embarrassment.</p>
<p>"really? cause i wouldn't think of gia as a princess type of girl." he pulls back the blanket even more and sits down on the end closer to the wall. "i think they're charming."</p>
<p>"thanks. the movies starting." i sit on the edge of the bad but sam pulls me closer.</p>
<p>"dont be shy, zen. its your bed anyway. lay down with me." i obligate with his strong voice. the opening credits start and then we see niall,zayn,louis,harry,and liam</p>
<p>i look over to sam and he had taken off his hat. he has lose curly hair. instead of looking at the snacks that is 1D i stare at him, in admiration. </p>
<p>"catching feelings for me, lovely?" sam asks and, once again, smirks.</p>
<p>already have.. i want to say. i really want to. but i just do what i always do, blush and look away. </p>
<p>"its alright. ive already caught my feelings for you." i gasp slightly and try and fight off the urge to scream my lungs out. </p>
<p>we just sit there in silence for a bit and i flinch when sam puts his arm around my tense shoulders. "calm down. your alright." his voice came out so soft. i slightly un tense my shoulders and sam keeps his arm there.  he moves his thumb in a circular motion on my arm and i feel calm. my mum used to do that when i was a little kid and it was storming, it always calmed me. </p>
<p>the movie goes on and we get to the liam and harry boat part. "you look like harry." i say simply.</p>
<p>"you think so?" he is still doing the arm thing. </p>
<p>"well at least the hair." i point out. i move my arm that was under my upper body and fluff up his hair. he gives a cheeky smile and messes up my own hair. "heeeeey." i say sounding fake annoyed. </p>
<p>"and yours is your own style. very nice, though." he finishes ruffling up my hair and he leans down to the top my head and pecks it (no not like a bird dumbass.. a kiss)</p>
<p>"what was that for?" i look into his eyes.</p>
<p>"ive been wanting to do it for the whole day. actually, since ive first seen you." he does it again. "your beautiful, you know?" </p>
<p>"no im not.." i say shyly. no ones ever said that to me except my mum, but thats different. </p>
<p>"oh.. your right." he stops for a second, "youre lovely."</p>
<p>"whats with you and that word? you use it a lot."</p>
<p>"im really not sure.. i guess its kind of a long story."</p>
<p>"we have time.."</p>
<p>"right, well again, i got it from my sister and as you know. not a reliable source. well apparently before my mum left thats what she used to call us." </p>
<p>"your mom left?"</p>
<p>"yeah... i dont really like to talk about it.."</p>
<p>"i understand. im here if you ever want to talk to me about it." i turn my attention back to the movie and we are into the last 20 minutes and its a concert.(666 words)i rest my head into the crook of his arm and i can feel him smiling. that causes me to smile too.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>we finish the movie at around 5pm. by the time we go out to paint with gia she looks like she's about to murder us.</p>
<p>"what took you guys so long!?" she pouts and crosses her arms over her chest.</p>
<p>"sorry g. we couldn't make the movie go any faster."</p>
<p>"fine. but come on i need some help with this." she pulls sam into a chair and he sits down next to her.</p>
<p>"come on, lovely, take a seat." he says to me. i listen to him and take a seat across from him. </p>
<p>"why do you call him that?" gia pokes at sams arm while asking.</p>
<p>"well he looks lovely so i call him that." sam replies.</p>
<p>"am i lovely?"</p>
<p>"hmmm... of course you are. but your- what's your boyfriends name?"</p>
<p>"zayn."</p>
<p>"your zayns lovely. and he's yours. it's a word of love."</p>
<p>"you love zen?"</p>
<p>"of course i do. who can anyone resist him." he gives a smirk to me and gia giggles.</p>
<p>"if you two start dating or whatever please bring sam over more often he's amazing."</p>
<p>"dating?" i sound surprised </p>
<p>"mhm. would you two not date?" gia seems confused.</p>
<p>"oh we will date.. soon enough. and i'll make sure i come over here as much as i can." he gives a cheeky smile to her and she looks over to me.</p>
<p>"he's a keeper." she tries to say quietly to me but she ends up basically screaming it.</p>
<p>"happy you think that, g!" sam replies and gia blushes and turns to him.</p>
<p>"you heard that?"</p>
<p>"i mean... anyone within 20 feet did. but i'm happy you think that. and your brother is the keeper, i mean he looks amazing." gia just shrugs and continues to use her whole hand to finger paint a fresh price of paper.</p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>after about 30 minutes my mom announces that we will be eating dinner soon so we clear off the table. gia still has globs of paint literally everywhere on her but i just gave up on helping her clean it off.</p>
<p>we set it with plates and after 5 minutes my mom walks in with the food. veggie burgers.</p>
<p>she's vegetarian so we mostly have things like this. she's a pretty great cook, though, so we aren't complaining. </p>
<p>"are you vegetarian?" sam asks as he sits next to me now.</p>
<p>"why yes i am." my mum replies proudly.</p>
<p>"oh nice my sister is too!" </p>
<p>"very nice indeed."</p>
<p>she hands out each one and then takes one for herself. then we start to eat.</p>
<p>while we  c h o m p  sam keeps pressing his leg against mine,  basically playing footsie. (i think that's what it's called) whenever i look over to him he just gives him amazing smirk and pushes his leg right against mine. </p>
<p>he's being pretty obvious and i'm not sure why my mum hasn't commenting. well, again, i'm not complaining.</p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>all of us talk a bit about school and what we have been doing while we eat.</p>
<p>gia brought up zayn wearing a hello kitty onesie to school today and how he is an amazing boyfriend. he is really an adorable kid. he reminds me a bit of zayn malik, with the name also being part of it. </p>
<p>mum asked about shrek and i told her he had been hanging out with barry. she doesn't know that barry is known as the 'bad boy' so she doesn't think anything of it.</p>
<p>she decides to asks where sam lives and he told her that he lives in an apartment complex near the hospital. apparently one direction is staying in there for their tour, nice. but also that a suspected murderer is staying with some youtubers named danny and drew so that's one of the many reasons why sam wanted to stay here.</p>
<p>i feel bad for the lad. he deserves the world not a crappy apartment. i wish he could come and stay with us, but this house is already filled with just the 3 of us. i just give him a little tap on the leg and he gives a smile to me.</p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>as soon as we finish sam offers to help clean the dishes with my mum. "thank you, sweetheart" my mom replies to the offer.</p>
<p>"of course mrs- what can i call you?"</p>
<p>"well our last name is milk, but you can call me shannon, darling."</p>
<p>"w-wait your last name is milk? so your," he turn to me, "name is literally zen milk."</p>
<p>"one and only." </p>
<p>"i- okay... well the dishes won't clean themselves will they.</p>
<p>before she goes to watch the 'this is us' movie with gia as she always does on friday she whispers something in his ear and he nods. she walks off with gia to the living room before she had to go to work.</p>
<p>"what did she say to you?" i ask him as he walks over to me and pecks me on the top of my head.</p>
<p>"oh she was just telling me... where the condoms where.." he replies.</p>
<p>"WHAT?! i-"</p>
<p>"kidding.. kidding love.. she was telling me where an unopened toothbrush was and some larger clothes for me in storage."</p>
<p>"oh" now i feel like a dumbass.</p>
<p>"it was fun to see your reaction though." he leans in real close to me, "i should tease you more often."</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>and oh how he teased me.</p>
<p>it all started when we went to the bathroom to wash up. i got him the extra toothbrush that was in the cabinet above the sink. as i stand up on my tippy toes (cause i'm short as hell), sam walks right up behind me puts both his hands on either sides of my waist.</p>
<p>i   i n h a l e  very fast and flip myself around so i'm face to face with him. "you alright, darling?" he leans down and whispers in my ear. </p>
<p>i can feel my face heating up like australia in january. "mhm.. yeah i'm great" i can feel my voice crack and my stomach drops. </p>
<p>sam leans real close to me and i can feel the tension off of him. the closer he gets the more i feel like i'm going to pass out. </p>
<p>at the last moment he pulls up away from me and grabs the toothbrush i was trying to reach. "let's brush our teeth now, why don't we." he tells me after he closes the door to the cabinet.</p>
<p>"yup" my voice is like alvin from alvin and the chipmunks- that's how high it was. sam just laughs. oh... he knows what he's doing. just as he said he would. </p>
<p>after we brush our teeth i need to take a shower... oh wow just great. "you wanna go wait in my room?" i ask him.</p>
<p>"hmm... i think i'll just wait here.. i'll like the view." he replies as he sits down across from the shower. he just gives me one of his amazing smirks and waves his hand, telling me to go on.</p>
<p>"i've only known you for about 13 hours, you know? i have no proof that you may or may not be a crazy axe murderer." i know he isn't.</p>
<p>"well will a crazy axe murderer do this?" he stands up from where he was sitting and cups my face. "i may have know you for a bloody 13 hours or so, but it feels like i've known you my whole life. i've told you more then i have told anyone."</p>
<p>i look up to meet his eyes and i get trapped in them. really, who let someone have such amazing eyes? he leans down and puts our foreheads together. "i fall fast, and i know it's wrong. but this time, it feels so right." tells me in a hushed voice. </p>
<p>"well i'm glad i could be the one who feels right. now look away i need to get into the shower" i tell em.</p>
<p>"ah but what's the fun in staying in here if i can't see anything" i guess i'm the tease now?</p>
<p>"well i don't want want you to get turned on and we can't even- you know...." omg i'm cringing at what i'm saying. i never say shit like this.</p>
<p>"do what?" oh my god he knows what he's doing.</p>
<p>"y-you know... so just turn around."</p>
<p>"fine fine.. i still have no idea what you mean."</p>
<p>he goes to sit back down but he faces the door this time. good lad. i wait a few seconds before i strip to get in the shower to make sure he won't turn around.</p>
<p>i turn on the water first so it can heat up before i step into it. i finally strip down and throw my clothes onto the ground somewhat near sam. i step into the shower and it still feels like a freezer but i'm already in here so i just deal with it until it heats up more.</p>
<p>"you in there, princess?" i can hear sam say.</p>
<p>"yes i am, my prince. so you can turn around or whatever." i tell him back.</p>
<p>it says pretty quiet for a bit while i wash my body but then i hear sam cleat his throat and then he starts to talk again.</p>
<p>"what do you like to do?" he asks me in a soft voice.</p>
<p>"what do you mean? like hobbies?"</p>
<p>"yeah."</p>
<p>"oh.. well i like to color. i'm no artist but i do have a pretty dope shading skill."</p>
<p>"would you want to help me with a new drawing of my mum?"</p>
<p>"sure! maybe like a face one instead of a full body?"</p>
<p>"that's what i was thinking!"</p>
<p>"great minds think alike don't they."</p>
<p>"they sure do." as he says that i finish my shower.</p>
<p>"turn around again. i'm done."</p>
<p>"alright your majesty. anything else?" he replies </p>
<p>"actually yes.. can i have a towel. there's some in the hallway closet. i forgot to grab one."</p>
<p>"right on it." i hear the door open and then some shuffling around. since i turned the water off i'm kind of just standing in the tub freezing. </p>
<p>"found it!" i hear sam say loudly so i can hear. i see a hand poke through the side of the curtain to the shower with a navy blue towel hanging from it. i take it out of his hands and wrap it around my cold body. </p>
<p>i take the side of the curtain into my hands and quickly open it. it gets about 1000% colder when i do that. "you look cold." sam tells me. he is standing near the door but he looks a bit concerned.</p>
<p>"oh really? i didn't notice." i say right back to him.</p>
<p>"mhm funny. why don't you just change into whatever you sleep in then i can go into your storage and find the clothes your mum was talking about. sound good?" </p>
<p>"yuppies. now um... do you think you could help me to my room. i'm scared to touch the ground. if the air is this cold.. i don't even want to feel the ground."</p>
<p>"i got you, love."</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>so, he carries me bridal style to my bed room and out of the corner of my eye i can see my mum in her room. she just gives me a thumbs up and continues to get ready for work. </p>
<p>we walk past gia and she just looks concerned. she was enjoying the great view of niall horan in the last 20 minutes of the movie and then she has to see her almost naked brother being carried by a giant. i feel bad for her eyes.</p>
<p>we get to the door of my room and he uses his foot to push it open. it's still dark from when we where watching the movie but there is still the blue light from the TV lighting up the room. he takes a few steps in and he dumps me onto the bed. r u d e. i sigh dramatically and put the back of my hand to my four head, acting like a damsel is distress.</p>
<p> "big strong savoir, please save me." i say in a high pitched voice. i just hear laughing. </p>
<p>"come on, princess, change up. then can you show me where the storage room is?" i sit up from where i was and nod.</p>
<p>"mhm." i hoist myself off the bed and the cold floor is.. cold. i flinch but deal with it. sam goes over to sit on the bed while i head over to my closet. i grab underwear and i long plain white tee (hey there Delilah who). my room is almost always burning so i wear the bare minimum without being naked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>i turn to tell sam to turn around and hes already on it. "thanks sam." i tell him. </p>
<p>"dont worry bout it love. i just want you to be comfortable. even if that means i cant see your adorable body." i feel myself getting s h y but i just shake it off. i pull the towel off of me and i feel exposed. i hate my body, but i have to live with it. i pull on the underwear and then the white shirt. my hair is still wet as hecc but eh.</p>
<p>"lets go, sam." i tap his back and he turns around. </p>
<p>"alrighty love."</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>we walk down the dark hallway side by side. my mom has already left for work so al-(i legit almost wrote aliyah i-) GIA is already in bed. it's real quiet.</p>
<p>i still don't forgive sam for scaring me in the basement, like come on. forget any horror movie jump scare that shit was scary. </p>
<p>me and him finally arrive at a dark door that leads to a walk in closet. i open it and set in first. there is an over head light and unlike the one in the basement, this one works. it doesn't work well considering it's still as dark as lil huddy but it's enough to find my way around the compact closet.</p>
<p>sam is about to come in also but i already found what i need. it's a somewhat large green bin with 'dads clothes' written on the lid with sharpie. sam looks a but confused with this.</p>
<p>"where's your dad?" he asks in a hushed voice as he leans down to open the bin up.</p>
<p>"he's... away." i answer. the truth is i have no idea where he is. </p>
<p>"what do you mean by 'away'?" </p>
<p>"i-i don't know where he is. he could be like almost all american dads and well.. go to get the milk and never come back but i have no idea."</p>
<p>"sounds like a dick."</p>
<p>"n-no! he was... okay..?" he was mostly absent even when he was with us. he never wanted to talk to me or my mom and he always just went out to get drunk with his buddies.</p>
<p>"who needs dads anyway." sam has picked out a black tee-shirt with 'don't talk to be before my coffee' in white words printed onto it. </p>
<p>he dug around for a few more seconds and found a nice pair of sweatpants. "just to warn you, it gets hella hot in my room."</p>
<p>"i'll strip if it gets too hot then, darling." that comment leaves me speechless and sam just puts the lid back onto the bin and slides it back into the closet. "let's go back to your room. we can talk before we go to sleep."</p>
<p>"o-okay" and i follow him all the way back. i quickly look into gia's room and see she's out like a light, good. </p>
<p>once we get back to my room sam starts to strip. i quickly advert my eyes away. "you don't have to look away, hon. it's alright." sam whispers, yet it sounds so loud. </p>
<p>i take his advice and look back to the half naked sam. and.. wow. his body is.. well it's amazing. he only has his top half off but i can feel myself getting into a trance just looking at him.</p>
<p>i guess sam noticed my drooling and makes a comment "i said you can look. not get all drooly." i catch myself and look away once again. i hear a laugh from him.</p>
<p>i sit done on the bed and once sam is done he walks over and sits next to me. </p>
<p>"what do you want to talk about?" sam asks after a minute of comfortable silence (is so overrated) </p>
<p>"i dunno.. who do you look up to? like a celebrity or someone.." i say back. i know that question is shit but eh</p>
<p>"well i look to harry a lot. the way he is just kind to everyone. i want to be like that. what about you?"</p>
<p>"louis probably. his voice is so unique and so is he. i want to be as outgoing as him."</p>
<p>"good answer, love. so, what's your favorite color and why?"</p>
<p>"'why'? what do you mean by 'why'?"</p>
<p>"i mean why do you like that color so much. what makes it better then the others."</p>
<p>"i guess i like... orange. and 'why' is because it's vibrant and seems playful. now how about you." this has got to be the most boring conversation ever but i find it amusing.</p>
<p>" purple, because it makes me feel like royalty" he flips his hair back with his hand and i burst out laughing.</p>
<p>"you're something else, my prince." i tell him through my giggles.</p>
<p>"so are you, princess. you are exquisite," he grabs my shoulders and stares deeply into my eyes. i feel a wake of emotions take over me.</p>
<p>"remember that." he grabs the back of my head and i see him leaning in. </p>
<p>is he about to kiss me? i've never kissed anyone. what do i do? do i move in also? or do i stay here? what if i fuck it up and then he leaves my house cause of how bad it was and he never wants to see me again?!</p>
<p>all these thoughts get knocked out when his lips meet mine. i feel butterflies in my stomach but it feels good. his lips are smooth and the kiss is delicate. nothing too intense yet. i start to kiss him back and i move my hands from my lap to the sides of his face.</p>
<p>after a few steamy seconds sam pulls away and catches his breath. i wanted more tho ;_;. "that was your first real kiss right?" he says while still panting slightly.</p>
<p>"yeah.." i want him so bad. his loose curls and beautiful blue eyes. </p>
<p>"well, your not to shabby." i give a smile and pull my legs up onto the bed and sam follows.</p>
<p>"why don't we try and go to sleep." i suggest. i actually just want to kiss him again and again but it seems too soon.</p>
<p>"good thinking princess"</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>when we finally get to my room and we lay down i go out like a light. i'm that type of person who literally cannot dream so its just darkness. im good with that, though. by the time i wake up i see the sun is up. well no shit thats what happens in the morning. </p>
<p>i lazily turn on my side to see sam still sleeping. he looks so calm. his hair is falling slightly over his eyes and he just looks... cute. i stare, admiring him, and then i decide to go brush my teeth. morning breath is gross and i would rather not. </p>
<p>i quietly stand up from the bed, making sure i dont wake up calm sam. my vision is about as good as the writers (my eyesight is like SHIT shit) so i stumble my way out of the room and into the hallway. when i arrive there i see a shadow of a little girl standing there. it looks creepy as hell but i know its gia.</p>
<p>'what are you doing up this early?" i ask her. truthfully i have no idea what time it is because my phone was left near sam and you already know i couldnt wake him. </p>
<p>"its not early, mommy just came home." i do a little 'oh' in realization that me and sam slept in. i mean we did end up going to bed at like 3am so i see why we would make up pretty late. (i literally forget what time i said she would come home so just go with it. i think she said like 9 or something.)</p>
<p>'how long has she been home?" </p>
<p>"awhile. im hungry." she complains. i see why she is."</p>
<p>"okay, okay. let me go brush my teeth then ill make you some cereal or something." i tell her but she shakes her head. </p>
<p>"sam can cook. ask him to make me something." </p>
<p>'how did u know?"</p>
<p>"you guys where kinda loud last night and i saw you guys making cookies and like... rocking each other..?" my eyes go W I D E  wide at her comment. it wasnt dirty. it wasnt! i was tired and he was helping me stay awake. i just nod tho. gia and her weird little 5 year old mind wouldnt get it. </p>
<p>"what time do you want to go to the park to meet zayn anyways." i change the topic.</p>
<p>"his mommy said he is going at like 1pm."</p>
<p>"alright. ill get sam up in a minute just let me brush my teeth."</p>
<p>"fine." i notice she has some crayola markers and some paper so she will be occupied until i wake up sam. </p>
<p>so, i brush my teeth and then i go back into my room to see sam still sleeping. i walk closer to him and smile at how innocent he looks. "WAKE UP SAM!" i yell. the tall high school boy shoots up from his sleep and then falls at my feet. i hear a thud and i guess thats mean he hit his head.</p>
<p>"what the fuck zen?" he sounds annoyed and i guess i would be too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"s-sorry, sam. gia wanted you to make her breakfast." i tell him.</p>
<p>"you could have just told me." </p>
<p>"yeah.. sorry about that."</p>
<p>"its alright... just help me up." and so i grab his (in the first chapter i said he has hard hands so um) his hard hands and pull him onto his feet. "im gonna go get some of the clothes from the closet then ill make her something. anything specific?"</p>
<p>"erm she likes purple food. not sure if that would help."</p>
<p>"ill make blueberry pancakes. do you want one?"</p>
<p>"sure. thanks."</p>
<p>"no problem. im guessing your mom is sleeping, right?"</p>
<p>"yup."</p>
<p>"alright, love. ill brush my teeth and change then ill make the food. "</p>
<p>"your really nice. you know that, right." </p>
<p>"ide do anything for you." i just give a smile. how can someone just be so hot and nice. </p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>(so i didnt want to fill the dead space so we skippin ahead cause im lazy :) )</p>
<p>after we eat what sam made it was around noon. 1 hour till we go to the park. we didnt really have anything to do so we decided to watch some shows with gia. we decide on a classic, fairly odd parents (i think thats what its called ;_;) and comso is being a dumb ass as he is in every episode. i stan him doe. </p>
<p>we watch 3 episodes and by that times we decide to get all ready to go to the park. gia wants to chose her own outfit so we let her do what she wants and me and sam go into my room so i can get ready.</p>
<p>"what should i wear?" i ask him. what he chose to wear was a trench coat, black shirt,  and tight black jeans. i have no fucking idea why my dad would wear that or why he even owns it but im not complaining cause he looks really good in it. sam walks over to my closet and starts grabbing random clothes</p>
<p>after a minute or so he hands me a group of clothes. i dont really care what i wear so i can just go with anything. and anything is what he picked. </p>
<p>the shirt looks like something my mom would wear in her 20's, it was all sparkly and i dont even know how it got in there. the bottoms are short jean shorts that, again, my mom would wear in her 20's.</p>
<p>"do i really have to wear this?" i ask desperately.</p>
<p>"yup, now change. we gotta head to the park soon its almost 1."</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>so i do end up wearing the stripper like outfit. and to be honest, it doesnt look that bad. okay okay i sound super self absorbed but honestly these stripper clothes fit me perfectly. i have no idea how they got into my closet in the first place but im happy they did.</p>
<p>we walk out into the living room to wait for gia. i notice he put on his hat again. after sam goes on and on about how good i look. she. finally comes out in her room. </p>
<p>what the fuck is she wearing? </p>
<p>i do the shrek confused meme (i know its so cool my best friend has MEMES!!!) she walks out in black stripper boots that go up to knees and a red sparkly christmas dress. and dont even get me started on her face.  </p>
<p>i think she tried to do a smokey eye or whatever but she ended up doing both eyes in bright red and blue. </p>
<p>omg and mascara? what the hell gia.. its like all clumpy and ended up getting all around her eyes. "gia i-" i start to say but sam cuts me off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"zayn will be very impressed." he says as if its a known fact. this makes gia light up.</p>
<p>"REALLY? you think so?" she sounds so excited.</p>
<p>"mhm i know so. now lets go." sam takes a few steps closer to her and grabs her hand, leading her to the door. </p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>we walk in silence for a bit but gia breaks it.</p>
<p>"are you sure he'll like it sam?" she doubting herself.</p>
<p>"i bet he will. you look great gia, really."</p>
<p>im a rebel bad girl." she takes her hand away from sams and runs a bit in front of us so she can do a exaggerated.  model pose. </p>
<p>"that you are."  she stays in that pose until we reach her and then she goes next to sam again. </p>
<p>"is zayns mom going to be there?" i ask gia.</p>
<p>"no duh zen. are you dumb?" she sasses back to me. </p>
<p>"hey now gia," sam warns her, "dont be mean to zen. we can turn right around and your outfit would be for nothing." gia gives a shocked look and zips her lips. sam turns his attention and puts his empty hand into mine. </p>
<p>"your not dumb love. if you where we wouldnt have met in science." hes got a point. we where in AP science so without that we literally wouldnt have met, at least not as early as we have. </p>
<p>"your right your right. at least im smarter then karen in mean girls." i state. </p>
<p>"honey i think anyone is." this makes us both laugh and gia is just walking with a confused look on her face.</p>
<p>"whats so funny.?" she asks. </p>
<p>"its from a big kid movie g. your too young to watch it." i say to her</p>
<p>"well mommy lets me watch those. why cant i watch that one?" i have no idea how to answer that.</p>
<p>"you wouldnt find it that funny yet." sam saves me.</p>
<p>"oh.."</p>
<p>"well look where we are!" sam exclaims to make her not so upset. </p>
<p>she turns her head to see the huge park in front of her. "YAY!" she runs off but with her first steps she ends up falling almost right on her face.</p>
<p>i hold in my laugh so she doesnt attack me with her weird 5 year old stripper boots and she gets up and whips the dirt off of her red dress and runs to the main park. </p>
<p>after a few seconds shes already running around the park looking for her 6 year old boyfriend. </p>
<p>sam and i (haha fancy words) decide to go sit on a bench for a bit but then we hear a scream. not just any scream, gias. dont worry she wasnt hurt or anything. she screamed, "ZAYNIE I MISSED YOU!" im guessing she found zayn. </p>
<p>me and sam look at each other and mentally decide to walk over to her. ive only met zayn once in real life and he seemed like a real sweet boy. and his mom was also real nice. she always asked how i am doing. i see her more then zayn because she is also on the PTL at our school. shes the only non karen there. which is funny considering her name is in fact karen. </p>
<p>once we arrive near the swings i see a little boy in a blue hello kitty onessie, almost the exact one gia was drawing him in. hes a cute kid, always has amazing fashion. i cant see his face yet but i can tell his sort of long black hair is pulled back with a butterfly headband. i wish i had his confidence. </p>
<p>we soon arive over at his moms side and she starts to talk to me and asks who sam is. "this is my-" i start to say.</p>
<p>"friend with benifets." i do a 'what the fuck' face to him but i mean hes not wrong. </p>
<p>"well im glad to hear." she says to us. we all turn our attention to gia and zayn who are now playing on the monkey bars. zayn kind of reminds me a but of a mini zayn malik, which is great considering his name is infact zayn. </p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>we end up vibing at the park for a good hour and a half. even by then gia was pouting about leaving. "come on g, zayn has to leave and so do you its getting late and mum wants to actually see you."</p>
<p>"ugh fine. bye zaynie." she terns to him.</p>
<p>"bye g. ill see you soon i hope. and i like your outfit, fogot to tell you before." gia goes all bushy at his compliment and becomes the exact opposite of what she always is. she goes sHy.</p>
<p>"bye zayns mom." me and sam both tell her and we wake to zayn before we make our way home.</p>
<p>it was fun there. especially with sam.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>as we walk back with gia in between us sam gets a call on his phone. he takes it out of his pocket and i can see his eyes widen slightly and he turns to me. he already answered it but havent put it to his ear to listen yet. he turns to me and points to the phone showing its important. </p>
<p>i nod and me and gia start to walk slowly on our own so its not that hard for him to catch up. </p>
<p>i dont want to be one of those people who eavesdrop on calls but i do hear him say something along the lines of, "jackie" so i assume he is talking to his sister. </p>
<p>when he talked, though, he sounded worried. i grip gias hand a bit harder. is he alright? or even jackie? "stop zen your hurting my hand." gia tells me as she releases her hand from mine. "and what is sam doing? i want to walk with him."</p>
<p>"sorry g.. and hes on a call. with his sister i think. we can wait here if you want." she nods and we sit down in the grass that is near the sidewalk and just wait. i notice some of gias makeup has started to stream down her face from the heat and it makes her look like she's been crying. </p>
<p> me and gia end up sitting on the grass waiting for sam for about 5 minutes. when he finishes his call he looks like he's about to barf. "you alright?..."</p>
<p>"yeah.." he breaths out quite loudly. "actually no. jackie just called and told me something bad happened at home."</p>
<p>"oh my- did she tell you what?" gia lifts her hand and looks confused at sam.</p>
<p>he shakes his head no. "she just told me to go right home."</p>
<p>"oh.."</p>
<p>"im so sorry love. if i knew what happened i might bring you guys if it wasnt bad but i have no idea what happened. i dont want to put you or gia in danger."</p>
<p>"why would we be in danger?" gia cuts in. she looks as if she had just gotten dumped at prom and had been crying for hours with the way her heavy makeup had streamed down her face.</p>
<p>"you wont be, g. i just have to go home for a bit so you and zen will be going home without me."</p>
<p>"will you come back later?" she sounds genuinely concerned.</p>
<p>"i hope so g. i should go now, though, dont want to keep whatever happened waiting." before he dashes off he leans close to my ear and whispers, 'love you darling' and pecks a kiss on my cheek and i almost melt into a puddle right there.  with this heat im surprised i haven't already. </p>
<p>he quickly runs off in the direction of the park, i guess the apartment complex is that way. </p>
<p>"lets go home gia." i motion for her to grab my hand.</p>
<p>"i want sam." she puffs out angerly.</p>
<p>"i do too." i say quietly and we walk back in almost complete silence with the absence of the boy who had brought us to this park not so long ago. </p>
<p>its only been a minute without him but i cant stand it. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>{samaul}</p>
<p>shitshitshit. that all i can think. after i said my goodbyes to g and zen all i can think of is the worst possibilities.</p>
<p>why the fuck is she back?</p>
<p>what does she want?</p>
<p>what does she look like.... i know i should be pissed but i've never know her. i only know what jackie has told me. what if she's wrong?..</p>
<p>no. i can't think that way.</p>
<p>if i think that way i'll get soft and jackie will hate me. she needs me. she knows more about mom then anyone.</p>
<p>as i speed walk in the way of the apartment complex i can feel the hat on my head trying to fly away. i give up on keeping it on there so i take it off and hold it in my hands as i start to run.</p>
<p>the streets aren't to busy considering it's a saterday so i end up not waiting for the crosswalk to say 'go' and i take a [chonce] and just run across the road.</p>
<p>i get a few annoyed drivers honking at me but i don't mind. the faster i get home the faster this is all figured out.</p>
<p>the complex we live in is... dirty. there's no other real good way of describing it. the neighbors are all freaks.</p>
<p>jackie tried to make the best of it by going around and saying hi to everyone all the time and welcoming them. most of the people find it odd but some find it quite nice.</p>
<p>i through past the broken fence on the far back of the complex and soon arise in the center area. i look around to see any traces of a fight or violence but before i can do much i hear screaming.</p>
<p>jackie.</p>
<p>i turn around and run toward our apartment. ground level one, right near this freak couple who i think gave birth to a bear. </p>
<p>once i get close enough i notice the door is almost wide open. "GO AWAY!" i hear jackie scream again. she seems hurt, from what i can tell.</p>
<p>i try and stay as quiet as i can as i walk into the apartment. i notice things flipped over, ripped open, and sprawled out on the floor.</p>
<p>what the actual fuck.</p>
<p>"i MADE you." i hear a female voice say. it sounds slurred. is that my mom? i go to get a look to see what she looks like but i hear someone get hit and i get too scared to look.</p>
<p>why is she even fucking here?!</p>
<p>"you may have made me but you are NO MOM TO US!"</p>
<p>"WITHOUT ME YOU WOULDNT BE HERE."</p>
<p>"YOUR RIGHT! ME AND SAM WOULD BE LIVING WITH PARENTS WHO CARE ABOUT US AND I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO HAVE GOTTEN A JOB AT 12 FUCKING YEARS OLD!" </p>
<p>i feel taken back at the power in jackie's words. she's mostly that type of girl who likes to keep quiet. </p>
<p>"IT WAS HARD TO ME TOO YOU KNOW!" i hear the female, i'm just going to say my mother, scream. why would it be hard on her? she left us.</p>
<p>it seems that jackie had that same thought. "HARD on you?! how would it be HARD on you? you had a CHOICE to not leave but you didn't take it. you know what you are? your a BAD MOTHER!." </p>
<p>i hear the woman gasp. "DONT SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY. I TRIED TO CONTROL MY ADDICTION AND I COULDNT. IS THAT SO HADD TO UNDERSTAND?! I DIDNT WANT YOU OR SAM TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH ME LIKE THAT!" </p>
<p>"you would stop if you loved us. which you clearly don't. you think it was tough. i know addiction can be hard but how do you think we felt. hmm?" jackie lowered her voice so she doesn't seem so angry but i can tell all the anger is still there. </p>
<p>"i did stop. for a while i did but it was too hard. i tried so hard. for you and for sam. they just.... got to me."</p>
<p>"you clearly didn't try hard enough for sam. LOOK AT HIS FUCKING NAME. which he was being fucking born you where high off some random shit and now he has to live with 'samaul' for the rest of his sad life."</p>
<p>wow.. didn't have to add 'sad life' to that sentence but alright. </p>
<p>"i didn't know he was going to be born then. if i didn't i wouldn't have been on anything at the time."</p>
<p>"YOU WHERE BATSHIT PREGNANT YOU SHOULDNT BE DOING DRUGS WHILE PREGNANT YOU DUMBASS!" and there's the angry jackie showing again. </p>
<p>"I ALREADY TOLD YOU ITS HARD TO STOP!"</p>
<p>"I STOPPED DRINKING WHEN SAM GOT TO MIDDLE SCHOOL!" jackie points out, "I WAS YOUNG AND EVEN I KNEW I SHOULD STOP FOR HIM."</p>
<p>she drank? </p>
<p>"well you shouldn't have been drinking young in the first place." </p>
<p>"why the fuck did you even come here? to nag me? to get some kind of sick revenge?"</p>
<p>silence.</p>
<p>"spit it out already."</p>
<p>"i wanted to see my son."</p>
<p>why would she want to see me? she had the chance to see me everyday but she chose not to.</p>
<p>i take this heated silence to step out from where i was hiding.</p>
<p>jackie notices me first. i can see the pain in her eyes along with some fresh bruises. </p>
<p>my 'mom' turns to me and i finally see her after all these years of wondering. and she looks high.</p>
<p>her hair is in fact blonde but not the blonde i thought of, no. it's streaked with white and it looks like draco from harry potter if his hair was on a woman. it's long and marred like it hasn't been brushed in ages.</p>
<p>and her eyes.. they look as if they where once so beautiful. they look broken. the same blue as mine but they don't give off warmth like zen said mine did, no. they make you feel cold, like someone has taken your soul away from you. and they are rimmed with red, most likely from crying and/or the drugs she is on.</p>
<p>her skin is a pasty white almost as if she was a ghost. and she doesn't look young. i'm not sure what age she actually is because her face is covered wrinkles and blotches all over.</p>
<p>her clothes all look to big to fit her bony body and they are honestly not that appealing to look at.</p>
<p>is this woman my actual mother? how the fuck did she end up like this?</p>
<p>"sam.." she stumbles over to me but jackie is faster and is already over by my side before she can get there.</p>
<p>"get out." jackie says sternly.</p>
<p>"what?"</p>
<p>"you heard me. i've been telling you to get out now get out. you've seen sam now, out."</p>
<p>"i want to see what my son thinks." she turns to me.</p>
<p>"don't call him your son. and i don't think he wants to see you after what he has been put through."</p>
<p>i can feel a lump in my throat growing and tears start to fill in my eyes.</p>
<p>"what do you want, son." her voice sounds old, and i can tell her lungs are barely going to work for much longer with all the stuff she had been smoking.</p>
<p>"i.... i.." i don't know what to say. this is the day i have been waiting for, to see my mom. but i didn't expect her to be such a... wreck.</p>
<p>"come on sam." the woman snaps at me and i feel a tear fall down my face. </p>
<p>"stop.." i say quietly and i can hear my voice crack.</p>
<p>"what did you say?" </p>
<p>"i s-said stop..." why is this so HARD.</p>
<p>"stop what? i've come for you. i wanted to see my baby boy."</p>
<p>"d-d..don't call me that. and please...." thinking the words are so easy, why is it so hard to speak them?</p>
<p>"please what. i'm here for you."</p>
<p>i want a mom. i want one so bad. but te one i want isn't the one in front of me. jackie is the closets thing i have ever had to mom. she was there for me. i never realized how much she has actually done for me. things a mom should have done.</p>
<p>"no.. you're not here f-for me. if you where you wouldn't have left. for... for so long i thought of you as a goddess. i thought maybe one day you would lower down from your high mighty castle and take us  there with you and we would all be happy. but no, years went by and you never showed up. you never even existed from what i saw of you. so angels showed, no harps, not even a goddamn letter asking us if we where okay. so no, you may be here. but really, you aren't."</p>
<p>she seems taken back at the words that had just escaped my mouth. and i regret none of them.</p>
<p>"you thought of me as a goddess?" </p>
<p>ok just... completely note the rest of that.</p>
<p>"key word: thought. i was wrong, though. i just wanted someone to be there for me so jackie could live a normal teenage life, with boyfriends(or girlfriends i don't know), breakups, and for her to at least have a FRIEND. she's lonely. and all because of you leaving. you distorted our lives from day one."</p>
<p>"well i'm here now, isn't that what you wanted."</p>
<p>"key word: wanted" jackie says for me. she turns her head to look at me and puts her arm around me tightly. "we both thought you would come back one day. but as time went on i lost hope. i knew if you ever came home you would never be the same. i looked up to you as a kid. the way you talked to us. calling is 'lovely'."</p>
<p>"and i still can!"</p>
<p>"but that word isn't your now. no, it hasn't been for a long time. now leave" </p>
<p>the woman shakes her head, looking annoyed. "fine. but fuck both of you. i tried to come back and be a stable parent now but i guess you don't fucking want it." she gives us both a bony middle finger and stumbles her way out of the now destroyed apartment.</p>
<p>when she is out of both of our sights i break down. jackie lets go of her grip and lets me fall to the ground in agony. </p>
<p>"it's alright sam.. it's alright... she's gone now. it's you and me. like always."</p>
<p>my tears are burning my face but i use the last bit of strength i have left to pull jackie into a hug.</p>
<p>she accepts it and i press my face onto her shoulder, letting my tears fall onto it. she doesn't seem to mind, though. "it's alright sammy.. it's alright.." she pulls me away for a second so she can look into my blurred eyes. "i love you. remember that. i always will love you."</p>
<p>my voice doesn't seem to be working so i just nod and she pulls me back into the hug.</p>
<p>so we stay on the ground for a while, just crying. it feels good to let it all out, to finally know what a horrible person my mother really was. </p>
<p>jackie was right. i should listen to her more. she's a good sister.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>+.~z e n~.+</p>
<p>i miss sam. </p>
<p>its been a day and i still miss him. </p>
<p>i miss his caring voice. </p>
<p>im lonely.</p>
<p>i dont know how i got around without him at my side.</p>
<p>its cringy, i know. but its hard to live without his laugh.</p>
<p>hes sweet. i just want to see him.</p>
<p>why did he have to leave?</p>
<p>what happened to his sister?</p>
<p>i hope hes alright. if something happened to him i dont know what i would do.</p>
<p>all i can do is sit on this couch. its dark. all the windows are closed. its like the sad part o a romance movie. its mostly raining in those. sad music. and crying.</p>
<p>im too dried up to do those. im like a husk of nothing.</p>
<p>its basic, like the girls in those movies. i just miss him. </p>
<p>it seems like gia misses him too. shes in a bad mood.</p>
<p>i think over zayn more though.</p>
<p>she really loves him. its cute.</p>
<p>i want something like that, specifically with sam.</p>
<p> hes tall, sam, i like tall. </p>
<p>and hes gentle with me. even when im dumb. which is a lot.</p>
<p>why did he have to leave.</p>
<p>im knocked out of my thoughts with gia poking at my shoulder. "what?" i ask her. she looks sad.</p>
<p>"i miss him."</p>
<p>"who?"</p>
<p>"sam, zayn. both. im lonely."</p>
<p>its like shes speaking my mind.</p>
<p>"i do too, g" she pulls herself onto the couch next to me.</p>
<p>"can we do something?" she asks after a minute. her whole attire is completely different then yesterday. she looks like a soccer mom. </p>
<p>"like what?"</p>
<p>"a movie?"</p>
<p>"sure g, which one?" im happy she actually want to hang out with me for once. </p>
<p>"the bee movie?"</p>
<p>"sure!" i always thought of that movie a bit odd considering our very own barry b benson at our school has that same name but eh, cool coincidence right?</p>
<p>i turn over and grab the remote off the arm of the couch and press the 'power' button and see the "netflix" sign appear on the screen a few seconds later. </p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>after the movie is done mom says its dinnertime. </p>
<p>me and gia walk into the kitchen and sit down. its veggie burgers. great. just another thing to do with sam.</p>
<p>my mom seems to notice the bad energy in the room. "you two seem upset." she points out.</p>
<p>me and gia just nod.</p>
<p>"well cheer up my babies. whats got you kiddos so down?"</p>
<p>"sam." "zayn" we both respond with. </p>
<p>"hmm, i see. but you both are too young to get this upset. i was in love once too. they are both good people, zayn and sam, they wouldnt hurt either of you."</p>
<p>that kind of helped. my mom is a good person. she cares. </p>
<p>"we are milks, we dont break, we are strong." gia giggles a bit at this and i laugh a bit. mom always finds a way to make us happy. </p>
<p>i just hope i see sam on monday.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>i wake up gia standing right over me.</p>
<p>"what the fu-" i shoot my head up and i end up banging our heads together.</p>
<p>"OW. what the shit zen!?" gia yells as she rubs her head.</p>
<p>"first off, 'what the shit' where did you learn that?! and second, what do you want what time even is it?" </p>
<p>"i learned it from an app. youtube i think it's called. it's cool on there. funny people."</p>
<p>"what kind of youtube are you watching that they say 'what the shit' in?"</p>
<p>"a lot of them. they are funny." (i just said 'what the shit' and thought it was funny now just go along that youtube's say it too.) </p>
<p>"whatever you say g," i take a deep breath as my head is still pounding. "now what do you want?" </p>
<p>"it's 6:30 your gonna be late. and mom isn't gonna drive you if you are so go now or you'll be in big trouble."</p>
<p>"when did you learn numbers?" </p>
<p>"youtube."</p>
<p>"o...kay." what kind of youtube is this child watching that says 'what the shit' and teaches this 5 year old to count numbers.</p>
<p>"well go on. also can you make me something. by make i mean like cereal. cause your cooking is bad." </p>
<p>"rude much. but fine. go to the kitchen and sit there while i get ready. and please don't lean over me again it's hard to think straight with my head pounding like this."</p>
<p>"fine. and wear something nice. aren't you seeing sam again today?"</p>
<p>"i hope so."</p>
<p>"then don't wear your rat clothes to school i don't want him to think your poor. cause then he'll think i am. and i'm RICH rich." before i can respond to her slightly offensive comment she struts away with her ipad in her one hand and the other on her hip. this girl will be the death of me oh my lord.</p>
<p>since i don't wanna 'look poor' for sam, as g put it, i decide on a jean jacket, white shirt, and black sweatpants. this outfit is good enough. no stripper outfit but this is good enough.</p>
<p>(also i want to point out that my old version of this chapter got deleted for some reason and it was a lot more heartfelt but like we need some funny. even if my humour is as dry as the sahara.  i did like it tho nd if i can find it and if y'all care i might put it in later just to show)</p>
<p>after i finish brushing my teeth and all i speed walk i to the kitchen. i have about 5 minutes before i have to get there or i'll get a detention for being late so gotta go fast.</p>
<p>"whatkindofceraldoyouwant?" i ask in a split second as i'm putting my stuff in my bag and putting on my socks. </p>
<p>"rainbow ones. at least i think you asked which one i want. your bad at talking good."</p>
<p>"again, rude. but ok give me a sec and i'll get it out for you."</p>
<p>"can you pour it too?"</p>
<p>"gia you can do it yourself do i have to do everything for you."</p>
<p>"zen.... i'm 5... i cant be trusted with things. you should know this."</p>
<p>"i hop over to the kitchen and trip over my own untied shoelaces and fall flat on my face.</p>
<p>"HA!" gia giggles and starts to make fun of me. "zens a loser. zens a loser. zen can't even walk to the kitchen. what a loser!" she says ina  sing-song voice and i'm about to slap her but that would be child abuse.</p>
<p>"shut up g. let me pour your stuff then i gotta go. seriously."</p>
<p>i rummage through the cabinet that has all our cereal and get the one she wanted. i slam it down on the counter and she gasps at the loud noise.</p>
<p>"stop hurting the cereal zen what did it ever do to you?!"</p>
<p>my hands are moving at lightning speed getting the bowl and milk and a fork (we don't use spoons) "i'm hurting it because it's making me be even more late." i get all (well most) of the milk and cereal into the bowl. "now eat."</p>
<p>"i think most of it got on the counter then into the bowl."</p>
<p>"do i look like i care about the counter right now? i cant be late and i want to talk to sam. now bye gia."</p>
<p>"bye mr.grumpy pants." she says quietly.</p>
<p>"what did you just say?"</p>
<p>"NOTHING- i said nothing. now go. i'm eating see." she takes a big (fork) full of the rainbow cereal. "i wasn't saying a thing. now go, go." </p>
<p>"bye." i say in a monotone voice and i dash out of the house and onto the lawn. the purple outside is shining bright with the early sun but no time to fawn over it.</p>
<p>gotta go fast</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>zen~</p>
<p>as i burst through the doors of the school everyone turns to look at me... ok i guess i wasn't as late as i thought.</p>
<p>some people start to chuckle but most just turn to look at their friends again. gosh g wasn't wrong, i'm such a loser. </p>
<p>not trying to draw anymore unneeded attention to me for a second time i speed walk over to my locker. </p>
<p>after a few seconds of getting my science stuff i close it quietly. (can't relate i try my hardest to slam it as hard as i can and make anyone with in a range of 17 feet's  ears bleed.)</p>
<p>when i look up i see the most beautiful man, sam. a smile speeds across my face and i dash over to him. </p>
<p>"hey sam!" i sound so eager for him but i am. i want to lay in bed again it felt good.</p>
<p>he doesn't respond, instead he stays staring into the distance. "hey?" i poke his arm slightly and he flinches back.</p>
<p>"hey- hey you ok?" why did he flinch?</p>
<p>" 'm fine." he mumbles out. he still hasn't looked at me.</p>
<p>"are you sure? if you need to talk i'm-"</p>
<p>"i said im fine!" he finally turns down to meet my eyes and they look red. most likely from crying. </p>
<p>why is he crying? or- was? is he alright?</p>
<p>"hey... sam. what's wrong? i'm here to talk. you look hurt. did something happen? did someone hurt you?"</p>
<p>"no one hurt me, zen. just stop." he says in a stern voice and then loosens(spelt that wrong i think) up, somehow looking even more sad. "please." his voice cracks while saying that.</p>
<p>his voice sounding like that makes me want to just hold him and help him. what happened to my boy? i know i know 'my boy' sounds a bit odd but honestly. why is he so broken?</p>
<p>i try not to think too much about it as i hear the bell ring for first period. i'm next to sam that whole time. so maybe i can try and talk to him there.</p>
<p>i take a detour around to get water cause like i need water. </p>
<p>by the time i get in there most of the class is there. no barry or shrek tho, huh. i do see sam tho. he has most of his face covered with his brimmed head that he wore the day we finally talked and i can see wet streams falling slowly down his face.</p>
<p>i shuffle over to him and plop down. without saying anything i hug him. my short arms struggle to get around his perfect body but i somehow manage. not a friend hug, a 'i'm here for you' hug. </p>
<p>i want him to be alright, whatever is distressing him. whether it's his sister or school i want him to know i'm here for him no matter what.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>sam~</p>
<p>i wake up to see jackie hovering over me. i open my eyes even wider and her hair tickles my nose so i end up sneezing right on her face. </p>
<p>"AH FU-" she stand up from where she was and stumbles away to get a towel.</p>
<p>"s-sorry jackie. i'm not feeling too well right now."</p>
<p>"i get it." she returns back to the side of my bed but makes sure i can sneeze on her again. "mom?"</p>
<p>i nod.. "i think i want to get a job." i blurt out.</p>
<p>"what?"</p>
<p>"a-a job. i want to get one. i need a hobby." </p>
<p>"what about drawing. isn't that your hobby? yeah, i saw some of yours they're like really good. why do you want a new one."</p>
<p>"cause i mostly used my drawings to draw mom." jackie does a little 'oh' before i continue, "i imagined her as a beautiful woman, perfect hair, perfect skin, not a flaw in sight. but i was so wrong. she's horrible, just.." i take a long sigh, "i want something new. something that doesn't involve her." </p>
<p>"i get that. i get it sammy. i hope your doing well, are you?"</p>
<p>"to be honest.. not really. but i dont wanna show it.. not good for me, people are mean in school."</p>
<p>jackie takes the (chonce) and leans over to me and gives me a hug. its nice.  her hair smells like flowers. "sam you shouldnt feel like you have to hid your feelings. sometimes hiding it is worse then letting it out."</p>
<p>"ok."</p>
<p>"please if you are hurting dont hide it. promise me."</p>
<p>"i promise jackie. now can i get a job?"</p>
<p>"its all up to you sammy. if you want one, you do you. if you change your mind, its ok."</p>
<p>"i want to help you.. make money. you work s-so hard i just want to do something to help you. your amazing jacks. i just want to do anything to help you live a normal life."</p>
<p>"dont feel like you have to get a job to help me. im your guardian. i like taking care of you sam. and sammy, this is my normal. and i love it. i love being a part of your life.. mom is missing out. shes a horrible person and she deserves to be no part of your life, you beautiful boy." she kisses the top of my head before stepping away. </p>
<p>"now get up sleepy head. ill drive you to school today i get to go into work a bit later today." she whispers after a second. </p>
<p>"ight. thanks jackie." she nods and walks into the living room, closing my bedroom door behind her. </p>
<p>i want to burn this book.</p>
<p> i want to watch these drawings burn in hell they can drown. i know i know, they are just drawings but still. i wasnt lying. i want nothing to do with this woman. </p>
<p>i have to get these.. thoughts out of my head before i get to school though. </p>
<p>as i change into a navy blue sweater, plants sweats and OG black rimmed hat i cant seem to get the thoughts out of my head. its painful. and i have no idea why.. </p>
<p>"come on loser we're going shopping" she tells me after i get to the parking lot where she is. she loves 'mean girls'.</p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>we arrive at the school about 10 minutes later. we are still fairly early so the halls are only filled with the early risers.</p>
<p>"bye sammy. and remember, dont hide bad feelings if you got them."</p>
<p>"you got it jackie, love you."</p>
<p>"love you too sam, have a good day." </p>
<p>'i doubt it' i say under my breath. before i can say anything else jackie rolls up the window and waves once more.</p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>i walk through the dim halls aimlessly. i have too much time on my hands before class. lets just go to my locker. to be honest i have no reason to be upset.</p>
<p>is it bad that i am? is that.. selfish? </p>
<p>that makes me feel worse. people are going through worse and what am i doing, being upset over m shitty mom. who cares? GOD i feel like a horrible person. </p>
<p>i get to my locker and grab my science things,  a pencil, and my sketch book. bad idea bringing it, i know. but you never know when we will be using fire in class and i can burn it. </p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>i loosely hold my things near my waist. i feel like im in a dream. people float past me but im right where i have been. i feel like everything and nothing. it gives a weird feeling in my stomach. i dont really like it.</p>
<p>"come on sam." the woman snaps at me and i feel a tear fall down my face.</p>
<p>"stop" i say quietly. and i can hear my voice crack.</p>
<p>"what did you say?"</p>
<p>"i s-said stop..."</p>
<p>"hey sam!" i hear a distant voice call out. </p>
<p>"stop what? i've come for you. i wanted to see my baby boy."</p>
<p>"no.."-</p>
<p>"hey?" the voice seems closer, then i feel a cold finger touch my heated skin.</p>
<p>i hiss slightly at the contact and flinch back. im too scared to look down. i know who it is, zen. i dont want him to see me like this, broken. im supposed to be the strong one, the one who doesnt break.</p>
<p>"hey- hey you ok?" zens confused voice asks. the softness of his voice hurts me even more. </p>
<p>" 'm fine." i feel a hot tear fall down the side of my cheek.</p>
<p>"are you sure? if you need to talk i'm-"</p>
<p>"i said im fine!" i burst out. i look down and meet his eyes and he looks scared almost. the hot tears are still streaming slowly down my face. </p>
<p>"hey... sam. what's wrong? i'm here to talk. you look hurt. did something happen? did someone hurt you?" too many people here. they'll know.</p>
<p>"no one hurt me, zen. just stop." i loosen from my tightened grip on my books and stare down into his eyes. "please." i hear my voice crack and its just what i didnt want. jackie told me its ok  to show how i feel but im feeling so much right now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he looks sympathetic. he doesnt even know whats wrong.. i shouldnt have snapped at him. hes just trying to help. gosh im a bad person. </p>
<p>the first period bell rings and i start my way to science hoping zen will want to walk with me to class but i turn around and hes not there. </p>
<p>oh.</p>
<p>i go into the class room alone and sit down alone. barry and shrek arent even here. what the fuck? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>i slump down into my seat and pull my hat halfway over my face. the salty tears start to fall onto the corners of my mouth and they taste bad. ew. </p>
<p>i sit n silence before i hear someone sitting down next to me. i look out of the coner and thank god, its zen. </p>
<p>without him saying anything he hugs me. his small arms try and wrap around my body and and somehow manages to do so. </p>
<p>it feels good. i missed his touch. its nice. i lean into his arms and rub my teary face into his clothed shoulder. i give a slight smile and he pulls away after a while. </p>
<p>after he pulls away he leaves his hand hand on my thigh.</p>
<p>i may not feel great but i feel so much better then before. this boy has some powers in my emotions omg. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>sam~</p>
<p>i dry some of the tears off my face and i put my arm around zens smaller body. "meet my by the bathrooms during lunch." i whisper to him.</p>
<p>"ok princess, thank you" he holds the hand i rested over his arm slightly and gives a small smile to me. </p>
<p>+++</p>
<p>by the time lunch comes my stomach is in a biG knot. i never really eat lunch at school but if i did i would be throwing it all up. </p>
<p>i dont know why i'm so scared. i guess... i guess i don't want zen to look at me differently. </p>
<p>somehow i find the courage to walk towards the boys bathroom closest to the lunch room and there he is, </p>
<p>zen milk.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>zen:</p>
<p>ask rest my body against the outside wall of the bathroom i see the one and only sam whatever his last name is.</p>
<p>i straighten up my body and he takes a few big steps closer to me. </p>
<p>he sort of leans down to reach my eye level but someone falls out of his back pocket before he can lean all the way, damnit tallness.</p>
<p>"oops-" he turns around sort of swinging his arms accidentally slapping me slightly.</p>
<p>"hi.." i say rubbing my face from where he hit me.</p>
<p>"shit- sorry. i'm a mess-"  he quickly says while turning around to meet my eyes again.</p>
<p>"i can tell. but what did you need to meet me for?" i can see the colour in his face darken.</p>
<p>"umm... i... uhh- you- well there- umm-" </p>
<p>"you sound like harry styles love."</p>
<p>"hee.. yeah umm... lets go into the bathroom."</p>
<p>"alright"</p>
<p>he pushed the door open very quickly and then a blond kid who was trying to leave gets hit across the face.</p>
<p>"AH WHATDIDYOUDOTHATFOR?!" he says in his irish accent, his name is neil. </p>
<p>"shit- fuck- sorry neil- are you alright?" sam asks him. gash he really is a mess.</p>
<p>"ugh," he scoffs, "just go have sex and leave me alone."</p>
<p>"wha- ok." i say as he storms past me. </p>
<p>sam does a sort of bowing this to lead me in and i follow. it smells like potatoes. when i look over to the toilet i notice why,</p>
<p>neil was eating his potatoes in the bathroom, poor neil. and he left them here.</p>
<p>"think we should give him his potatoes?" i ask a very jumpy sam.</p>
<p>"wha? oh- what?" he stutters out.</p>
<p>"his potatoes...." i poor over to them.</p>
<p>"no-no hell he fine he already hates me. um.... now... i have to tell you something.."</p>
<p>"alright...."</p>
<p>"i'm...."</p>
<p>"if you're coming out to me i already know. we've been over this."</p>
<p>"no... let's start from when i left the park.."</p>
<p>TBC-</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>sam:</p>
<p>and so i told him, everything: with my mom, jackie, kurtis the murderer- im kidding i didn't bring that up.</p>
<p>"wow..." by this time we where sitting on the floor looking through my sketch book. "that must have been a lot to go through sam.." zen tell me</p>
<p>"it was... i guess.." i shrug.</p>
<p>"don't 'i guess' me, it was a lot. don't demote ur pain down to a 'i guess' just like jackie said, don't hide your emotions."</p>
<p>i sur there in silence before i throw my arms around his nECk no i'm kidding, his body, giving a hug. </p>
<p>"that was the most open i've been to anyone.." i point out.</p>
<p>zen hugs me back resting his head in the crook of my neck. "and i'm glad i could be that person. i care about you sam, a lot."</p>
<p>we sit there just huggin for a bit.</p>
<p>"has anyone seen my- woah this ain't sex" neil opens the door and steps inside.</p>
<p>"do sentimental moments mean nothing to you?" sam asks in his sassy voice and turns his head to neil.</p>
<p>"that's what you get for hitting me in the face with a dirty bathroom door."</p>
<p>"ugh just get ur potatoes and go." i tell neil.</p>
<p>so he does that.</p>
<p>then he leaves sadly with his potatoes.</p>
<p>"anyways... what are we gonna do about your sketch book." i ask sam. he mentioned it hurting seeing it considering it has his mum in it, not good.</p>
<p>"we could burn it.." he suggests.<br/>"i dont think there are any open flames close to here right now, bub."</p>
<p>"flush it we can flush it."</p>
<p>"how exactly?"</p>
<p>"we can take it," he takes the book from off the floor, "and rip it up nice and thin to then it's easier."</p>
<p>"alright then let's rip this fucker."</p>
<p>and so we do that. </p>
<p>and it was fun.</p>
<p>after we flush it in the stall that neil was eating his beloved potatoes sam looks better then ever emotionally. i'm proud of him.</p>
<p>he wraps his arm around me and kisses the top of my head a couple times. he mumbles something like 'bi gumb goo' so like ok. i... bi gumb goo him too.</p>
<p>THE END.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*not me deleting the end cause i didn't like it* </p>
<p>anyways only like 6 people read the end so don't be shy pretend you didn't know it and create your own ending</p>
<p>make the date forever<br/>make them get married<br/>make them have a huge fight and never get together again</p>
<p>anything is better then my old ending</p>
<p> </p>
<p>anyways kisses, mwah mwah</p>
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